


The Behemoth Problem

by Kelly_the_Ferret



Series: Leviathan Depths [14]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_the_Ferret/pseuds/Kelly_the_Ferret
Summary: Our team have found a disturbance, and by extension the missing leviathans. Can they get the Behemoth to roar?
Series: Leviathan Depths [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538272
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Behemoth Problem

"Well, we could draw straws," Crowley suggested. He'd been awakened by a persistent hammering noise that had been slowly growing louder. He'd traced the noise to another cabin and nearly made the mistake of opening the door; fortunately Howard's wild face had appeared at the small porthole in time to startle the demon back from the door latch.

"Oh, I really do not like that idea," Aziraphale fretted. She had already discluded the mortals from the matter, but did not relish the thought of anyone discorporating.

"Then it should be all three of us," Gabriel put forth for the third time. "Nothing else has yielded results so far, and we need strength in numbers." 

The team had already confirmed that the glow from under the water was another gate, just like the one the Behemoth smashed through his enclosure. However, the machine swished downwards right through the intangible barrier at 50 meters below the surface. They sought help from Naboo, who agreed to try to astral project through. He seemed to make a successful five minute sojourn, but the shaman only spoke in tongues after he had returned to his body, rendering his report useless. 

"Could you... I don't know... Conjure a small submarine to ride down in together?" Newt asked thoughtfully.

After a debate about the pros and cons, the three celestials moved to the portside rail on the main deck. Crowley craned his neck to view the watercraft that Aziraphale had converted from a lifeboat to a submersible. It would be a tight squeeze, and he did not look forward to having no room to sprawl. 

Gabriel did a double take when Crowley suddenly shifted her form. Even in a black mechanic’s suit and matching work boots, she looked stunning. The demon's back arched as she secured a black and red bandanna around her scarlet ponytail.

Noticing stares, Crowley frowned and popped her collar. "I'll need less room to spread out this way!" she snapped impatiently. "Are we doing thisss, then?" she added with a tongue flicker.

Aziraphale's eyes widened with a novel idea. "Less room, quite right!" she exclaimed. "Gabriel, would you consider-"

"NO," the archangel answered firmly before the question was formulated. "Come on, I'll drive."

The three climbed down a long ladder to board the vessel. "No looking up my skirt, dear; be sure to focus on your footing!" Aziraphale called to the demon below her. 

Crowley had no choice but to look up at that remark, but she was met with looks of rebuke from both of the angels above her. "You lot would never miss a chance to take the moral high road with my sort beneath your feet, would you?" she muttered.

The demon eagerly grabbed a window spot on the craft's bench seat, but felt a panicked dismay when her principality scooted to the other end to make room for the archangel. Crowley rolled her eyes as Gabriel squeezed into the center seat. Confusion set in as Crowley was trapped in close quarters with the archangel's millenia-old favorite aftershave. She noticed that Gabriel had opted for a practical Oxford shirt in lavender, a selection that allowed for more air flow. The demon sorely wished she could wrap herself around Aziraphale, and before she knew what was happening, her serpent nose was seeking the warmth of a familiar collar.

"She turns into a snake when she's angry?" Gabriel observed with a note of surprise.

"Er, well, sort of..." Aziraphale responded. A coil tightened against her neck, and she said no more.

Gabriel pressed several buttons on the small control panel and shifted the wheel down. The bright silver submarine lurched forward and began a sharp spiral dive. Soon, its nose was within a foot of the glowing watery disturbance.

Crowley returned to her seat, and both passengers braced themselves. The pilot nudged the craft forward, and... nothing happened. The submarine's nose passed through the gate with no effect. Gabriel continued to press the machine downwards, and the glowing wall-like rift seemed to pop through the windshield and into the cabin. As it did, it touched the shuttle's occupants, pulling them out of the craft and through the swirling portal.

The three were dumped in a row at the mouth of an enormous cave which seemed to contain a spacious watery grotto.The walls of the cave were rife with outcroppings and shapes that seemed to bend around one another like an M.C. Escher illustration on cocaine. Aziraphale studied the ground under them, and noticed that the rock transitioned to grass abruptly along a straight line. Beyond the cave's mouth, a field similar to the Behemoth's pasture rippled with a gentle breeze. The sharp transition between murky cave and bright grassland was painful to behold, and the angel felt nauseous and physically stretched while looking directly at it.

The group was not able to focus on discerning their surroundings for long as a painfully loud song enveloped them. The mournful sound seemed to echo from everywhere for five seconds, and the air felt thin and crisp when silence returned. 

"Fuck, who upset the Ziz?!" Crowley shouted between gritted teeth.

Another searching cry reverberated through the strange world, and the trio exchanged uncertain looks as the cave behind them began to emit a deep rumble.

A wavering tentacle breached the surface of the now-roiling water, tugging strands of mucus along with it. Gabriel leapt to his feet with a shout and dragged his two companions backwards by their collars as one searching snake-like appendage after another emerged from the depths. 

A horrified, barking cry tore loose from Aziraphale's throat as she realized that there would be no outrunning or outflying the monstrous, fat arms that seemed to hone in on them. Suckers gripped and squished against the sides of the cave's entrance, and the top of a broad head rose, revealing two menacing yellow eyes, each the size of a city bus. 

"Well, it's been fun, lads!" Crowley shouted as she watched the angular face rise to reveal a wide mouth that was teeming with rows of sharp teeth. 

The trio were frozen in place as the tentacles converged on a single purpose, changing from a writhing mass to an undulating ballet of hunger reaching for them. Before a single tentacle had reached them, however, the ground was shrouded in deep shade, and the three were hoisted from the ground. 

Crowley stopped struggling when she realized she was being cradled by the toe of an enormous bird. She began to shake as the ground dropped further and further away, however; her wings were in good working order but this vantage point was entirely too reminiscent of a time when they weren't. Suddenly there was a dense surface made of mud and branches under their feet, and the celestials were dropped in a heap. 

"What the hell is happening?" the demon groaned. 

Gabriel cautiously stood up to try to get his bearings, but the high walls of the nest they had been transported to blocked his view. "I'm only guessing here... But it kind of seems like the three leviathans made their own space. The Kraken must've made it this far to meet the Behemoth before the failed apocalypse. Then he should have gotten tired and gone back into the sea bed. Instead… I dunno, maybe Michael tried to make him a pen out of leftover macaroni?" The archangel shook his head distastefully at the crude knock-off of his work. "The Behemoth probably just trundled through and warped it into a land feature, and it looks like the Ziz dove on in and added a cliff-side roost. Because why not?" he pondered.

The enormous bird was perched on the edge of the nest, and it cooed gently, its loud voice causing a small rockslide to echo from below.

The angel's ears had finally stopped ringing when the Ziz elected to scoop the group up for another flight. Crowley buried her face in her arm while Aziraphale saw that the ground was tentacle-free as they descended. 

The bird gently set the group down next to a large area where the grass was pressed down. The principality watched as a second enormous creature revealed itself near them. The Behemoth reminded her of the models that humans made of long-necked dinosaurs, and she saw that the monster was laid on its stomach with its head curved towards them.

"Oh, buddy, what happened?" Gabriel murmured as his gaze moved over countless sucker wounds on the Behemoth's neck and legs. The resting creature had toothy bites in the flesh of his neck and back, and his breathing was labored.

The archangel placed a hand on the Behemoth's face, and tendrils of glowing light spread from his fingers. The creature chuffed but his condition did not seem to improve.

Just then, the Ziz delicately picked Crowley up and dropped her at the Behemoth's side, near a deep gash. The demon groaned, planted her feet, and yelled, "Are you mad?! I can't do that anymore! Tell them to try!" She flung a pointing hand towards the angels.

"We weren't built for these kinds of jobs," Gabriel shouted to the demon. "We might be really screwed here!" 

At the sound of their voices, the cave to started to rumble again. "And that isn't going to help!" Aziraphale added. "Can you do something?" she anxiously asked the archangel.

"I dunno, slow it down, maybe?" he replied. "I'll give it my best," he added as his many wings unfolded to propel him towards the cave entrance. 

Meanwhile, Crowley was engaged in a one-sided roaring argument with the giant bird, who only chirped in response. "I'M NOT HER! I LOOK LIKE HER, BUT I'M NOT BLOODY HER!" Her jet wings unfurled and the demon breathed a column of fire at the towering avian.

The Ziz made no response but calmly started pulling downy feathers from under a wing and dropping them on the enraged figure in a snow shower of yellow and white. "Oh, what, you're MOLTING NOW?!" Crowley screamed as she hovered a few feet from the ground to get above the mounting pile of fluff.

Aziraphale rushed to edge of the down pile in a panic. "What are we going to do?!" she desperately implored. Failing to get the raging demon's attention, she shouted, "FOCUS! You are arguing with a literal bird! Get down here and think!"

"Angel, this is a righteous disaster!" Crowley moaned as she descended to ground level and sank waist-deep in the Ziz's still-falling feather storm. Crowley continued to winge, but the principality's attention was taken by a thunderous crashing from the cave.

Aziraphale turned to see Gabriel buzzing around like a tiny golden beetle in front of the grotto's entrance. Tentacles surged outward, smashing the rock opening larger as they batted at the shiney nuisance from all angles. 

"Sod this, I'd be more useful over there! Angel, try to get the Behemoth to roar!" Crowley shouted desperately. She took to the air once more and began to fly towards the chaotic dance at the mountainside. A sob tore from her, however, as the Ziz plucked her from mid-air with a pair of talons and flung her back into the pile of down feathers with a volcanic floof.

The crashing from the mountain was becoming a deafening series of thuds and booms as the Kraken worked to pull itself free, intent on capturing the zooming archangel.

Aziraphale looked from one dire situation to the next, her face etched with worry. She shook her head and trudged up to the side of the Behemoth's head where she hoped she would find an ear. Her hands wrung as she called out, "I know this is a bad time. But we really, sincerely need your help! You missed your roar last summer, and we desperately need you to remedy that! Please, you must roar-"

The angel's pleading speech was silenced by a flash of light which turned into flames all around her. The startled principality’s wings unfurled and she flew backwards, terrified. The Ziz appeared to be spontaneously combusting as she knelt and laid down, draping her body and neck over her dying companion. Next to the Behemoth, the pile of feathers containing the demon also burned brightly. Aziraphale could see the outline of her beloved, still raging with frustrated fury, in the center of the pyre.

"YOU CAN'T UNFUCK SOMETHING LIKE ME! LET ME GO, YOU USELESS, MINDLESS-"

The hovering angel watched as her best friend again spread her crow wings and continued to tearfully hurl obscenities at the burning bird. The heat from the immense blaze grew to an unbearable level, and as it did, Aziraphale could swear she could see a golden haze form into a ghostly set of wings on Crowley's back that echoed the movements of the familiar wings she adored. She couldn't be sure, but she could almost swear she saw shimmering outlines of smaller sets of translucent wings similar to Gabriel's spread and begin to buzz at Crowley's elbows, knees, and ankles. The angel gasped as the howling inferno's hands started to glow blue.

Aziraphale waved a hand to shift to a form with a louder voice. "Crowley! Move closer! Touch the Behemoth!" he bellowed.

The demon looked over her shoulder with a bewildered face; licks of blue flame danced around her golden eyes.

"GO TOUCH THE BEHEMOTH!" he tried again.

As if noticing the bizarre changes to her person for the first time, Crowley frowned at her hands, looking at them as though they belonged to a primordial creature from her distant memory. Aziraphale thought he saw a realization dawn on Crowley's face, and she turned to race toward the smoldering creatures.

He could no longer make out all the details of his beloved's movements as she dove into the center of the blaze, but within seconds, an electric blue light surged from within the pyre.


End file.
